|
An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but shits instead
A miserable person is one who truly enjoys a fart but can't
Anarchists of the world, unite!
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Don't be open-minded, your brains might fall out
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss
On the other hand, you have different fingers
Who laughs last, thinks the slowest
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!
I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it
That money talks I don't deny... I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!!
Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids
I'm not a follower... I'm a leader with the same idea
This is where Napolean beat his bone-a-part
First law of science: don't spit into the wind
I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Even hot girls have to fart
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it
Do you got with me get lost? I know the way
It was a brave man who ate the first oyster
There are three types of economists. Those who can count, and those who can't
Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"
If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it!
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire hius work
Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks
Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised
I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on
I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by
Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door
Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away
A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings
Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?
Why is it that the most unattractive people in this world insist on being nudists?
I'm not a dumb blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends
Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone
If guys had their period, they'd probably brag about the size of our tampons
Fat people are harder to kidnap
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?
Fat Girls are like Mopeds: fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture
We don't have a town drunk. We all share the responsibilty
Passwords are like underwear: change them often
Next time wave all your fingers at me!
When it comes to baldness, it's not about losing more hair, it's about getting more head
The height of laziness is a man is shitting on the beach and waiting for the tide
What do they call Bush his zipper? The "U.S. Open
Beer: helping ugly people get laid since 1823
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "no hard feelings"
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls
Everyone likes a little ass, but no one likes a smart ass
I like my steak so rare that when you poke it, it still says mooooo
The only reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live
Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later
Only in America do they buy a double cheese burger, large fries and a DIET COKE
Oh man this is crazy, I hope I didn't brain my damage
Time flies like the wind; fruit flies like bananas
If you dont like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk
Be a Minimalist. It's the least you can do
After working here, I now realize that "Dilbert" is not a comic strip. It's a documentary
Blank nickname-hold down Alt+0160
Yes Ive noticed a few of these are very wierd, actually alot of them are :S
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
Your mama is so fat, when she sings, its over
Recommended for you: "Windows For Dummies"
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode
CATS HAVE NINE LIVES PEOPLE HAVE 1 MESS WITH (YOUR NAME) AND U'LL HAVE NONE!!!
Just because you're stupid doesn't mean I'm lying
Excuse me, but I think my karma just ran over your dogma
You smell like the splashboard of an Indian urinal during mango season
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception
Welcome to loserville. Population: you
It's people like you who give scum a bad name
I've had fun before. This isn't it
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend/girlfriend thinks so
I dream about a monster, about you!
Your village called, their idiot is missing
Girls/Guys are like lava lamps: good to look at, but not very bright
I'd smack you but shit splatters!
It's not that I am anti-social. I just don't like you
Harrasing me about my smoking may be hazardous to your health!
You're the cum your mother should have swallowed
If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?
- She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon
- Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her ass
- I never appoligize! I'm sorry, that's just not the way I am
- Moblie phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest
- Stupid statistics cost american companies 30 zillion dollars each year
- Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics
- Ass, Grass, or Gas: everybody's gotta pay
- It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man
- They speak of my drinking but they never consider my thirst
- We'd better get outta here, I think I hear one of those silent alarms
- I don't like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times
- Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
- I must confess, I was born at a very early age
- I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup
- I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own
- The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with
- I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
- I invented the cordless extension cord
- I can't come tonight, my tires got dizzy...
- Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife
|
|
|
|
|
